I agree that if they don't want to change, you can't do a thing for them.
I lost my neighbour who was like a brother to me. He drank from 16 onward and died at 33. He was a serious alcoholic by then, drank first thing when he got up, (never at work) but came home and drank till he went to bed pretty well.
I think pain killers and booze blew his heart in the end. His dad died the same way, of cancer but drinking right to the end.
And as luck would have it when we moved my neighbour was another serious drunk with the police or fire truck around at least once or twice a month...not to mention all the scum of the neighbourhood dropping by for thier daily fixes in the garage.
I hate to say it but TG he fell and cracked his head open as he's in a nursing home right now, and we don't have to put up with the riff-raff of society coming around anymore!
So no...you can't help anyone who won't help themselves. Frankly, I refuse to even hang with people who drink anymore.
I'm fine with a glass of wine and drinking on occasion, but it seems that most people are hooked on either drugs, pills or booze and I'm just not interested. Too much living to do thank you.
The thing with people like that is they will drag you down too. So you have to get away from them and sadly if they are family, it's a hard thing to do, but you have to steel your resolve to not turn out like them. It's their life, they blew it, but you don't have to become them. It's tragic, but you can move on and do better for yourself and your own family if you really want to. I suppose it wouldn't hurt to go to those al-anon meetings for families or friends. They may be able to help you if you really feel you must remain in that person's life.
Wannaknow: My neighbour did that with her husband for 30 years...he used to laugh and tell me how he would outwit her and how he got his drinking money while she was away working (she is a nurse...) and he would find ways of making money and drinking behind her back. He knocked on my door once cause he was locked out and he was covered in puke and smelled of urine. Luckily he remembered his son's number and I phoned them to drive over and pick him up---while he waited on the porch!
LOSER....I don't know why she put up with him all those years frankly. I suppose you remember the person they once were and know that they would die in the street if you turn them out...so it's kind of a death sentence for some people no matter what.